A Response to the New York Times’ “Social Qs”

Dear Philip Galanes,

I think that you are trying to balance a lot in relatively short answers and that I’ve heard you tell Terry Gross, for example, that you want to keep the column relatively light, which I understand and appreciate. And still I am a bit bummed that you missed a chance to connect the banal, everyday gendered entitlements to women’s bodies to the broader discussion of sexual violence.

In your response today to M., who doesn’t want to give hug greetings to men she doesn’t know, there was a terrific opportunity to talk (even lightly, even in your smart, easy style) about consent and body ownership and gendered expectations around bodies. This sort of thing can broaden the conversation past rape and start to touch on aspects of *prevention that are so desperately needed.

And “a weird norm in your social circle” particularly stung. It’s not unique to this person or her partner. It is a pervasive social norm that serves as one of the bedrocks of a culture that doesn’t allow women and children, in particular, to own their bodies.

Still a fan, of course. Just hoping for more of an assist. We’re playing a long game out here in the field, and we could use help, even in small ways, from all concerned folks, with any level of platform. We got seat belts to take off in our lifetime, and recycling, and smoking reduction. Changing this will be possible, too, if we all row.